Some couples argue about the washing-up. Others, it seems, negotiate over a faded gym T-shirt. The latest relationship trend to sweep social media has a name, the “customised boyfriend”, and a TikTok hashtag, #buildabf. The idea is simple: rather than swapping a partner for a better-dressed one, you gently steer the one you have towards a sharper wardrobe.
From cargo trousers to clean tailoring
The Times gave the phenomenon its name earlier this month in a first-person piece by a writer who met her boyfriend in hiking gear and now describes him as a man of baggy trousers, billowing linen shirts and sweater vests tucked under blazers. Vanity Fair Italia picked up the story this weekend, noting that the conversation has spread so fast there is even a social media filter that lets users design an imaginary partner, choosing his clothes, his grooming and the presents he might buy.
According to Vanity Fair Italia, the makeover usually starts small. The technical gym top makes way for a crisp white T-shirt, skinny or cargo trousers are replaced by straighter, more tailored cuts, the giant-logo hoodie gives way to a structured overshirt and the stretched-out cardigan loses its place to a soft, unstructured blazer. Better fabrics follow: made-to-measure shirts, fine knitwear and minimal trainers.
Diplomacy, not demolition
The magazine’s advice is that tact matters more than taste. Rather than declaring an old wardrobe a disaster, talk about comfort, versatility and pieces that last. A new shirt can arrive as an innocent present, new shoes as a seasonal necessity and a shopping trip as an easy afternoon stroll. Its fashion editors shared their own stories, from a lilac vest worn once in central Milan to an oversized green loden coat that took years to be accepted, and a punk-loving husband who agreed to blazers but will never wear formal shoes.
Of course, there is a line. A style project should never turn into control, and the most convincing makeovers build on what a person already likes rather than replacing it. A classic dresser might simply gain a printed shirt or a cashmere jumper in an unexpected colour.
Accessories are often the easiest place to begin, because they add personality without asking anyone to give up a favourite pair of jeans. The Times writer’s boyfriend now finishes his look with a gold chain; a simple men’s ring, a few understated bracelets or a slim chain from our necklace collection can do the same quiet work. And if the restyling goes both ways, our earrings make a thoughtful thank-you.
Sources: Vanity Fair Italia (18 October 2026); The Times (October 2026). Featured photo: Aliaksei Smalenski via Pexels.
